Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
