This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
