I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
