Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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