drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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