I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
