So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
