Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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