You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
