you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
