The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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