Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
