if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
