just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
