Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This girl is more easily done than said...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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