I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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