I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
