You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
