I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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