i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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