Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
