Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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