Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
