If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
