JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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