He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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