Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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