Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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