It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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