After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
