Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
