Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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