see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
