Kiss
Puke
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
