You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
