high people should be assigned attendants
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
