You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
