Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Less talking, more tequila
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
