No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
