Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
