with your own penis?
Someone shit on the floor
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
