yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
