he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
