Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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