i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I touched a dick in church today
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
