Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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