Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
