Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
