How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
