All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
